Dear Government:

Please fill in the blank and tell us how each of the following Federal Agencies are performing:

1 Executive Office of the President- These suckers have no idea how much power I have now.  Hey China, I’ve got a few CIA agents to trade for a couple of women.  Hows about it?

2 United States Department of Agriculture-Oh, you mean you actually want to eat that food?  Gotta go.  Catching a plane to Yemen for a snack.  TTYL

3 United States Department of Commerce-  No, you misunderstood.  You pay US, we never said we pay you.

4 United States Department of Defense- He he he.  If we get mad at someone, we can now make ‘em pay.  You don’t need guns.  We’re hear to protect you <snark snark

5 United States Department of Education-  Al right, gettin us sum more little taxpayers.  Gotta train em right.

6 United States Department of Energy- We’ve got energy alright.  Just turn off the lights honey and everything will be just fine.

7 United States Department of Health and Human Services- Anyone want to sit home and pop out a few new taxpayers for us?

8 United States Department of Homeland Security – A little redundant but hey, our friends need paychecks.  Don’t worry, be happy.

9 United States Department of Housing and Urban Development – Free Homes for those that don’t work.  Stipulation: You must produce at least 2 children per year.

10 United States Department of the Interior-Land for Sale.   Any takers?  Shhh, don’t tell anyone we stole it.

11 United States Department of Justice- When it pays the judge unless someone else pays him first.

12 United States Department of Labor-  That didn’t take long now did it.  20 minutes and he popped right out.  Looks like a new Navy man to me.  You’re doing a great job sweety.  Could you get back to the bedroom and get your work done now?

13 United States Department of State –  YIP!  You’re right.  You are crazy and we are the only sane people here.  There’s no conspiracy here, no sireee.

14 United States Department of Transportation- July 2013: We’re getting it there.  There was a snowstorm over here in Florida and we’ve been Delayed.

15 United States Department of the Treasury- We’re a little short this month.  Could you loan us 17 Trillion today for a hamburger on Tuesday.  (Disclaimer: We didn’t say Tuesday of what year)

16 United States Department of Veterans Affairs- This is top secret!  Who is telling everyone about our affairs.  That information stays in the Oval Office.  Anyone using that satellite right now?  I think my wife is screwing my boss and I want to watch.


Printed Name___________X______________________________


Thanks for asking and you keep our thoughts in mind.official stamp

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